I have had a really profound college experience so far, but nothing has been more impactful than the Intergroup Dialogues class I took last semester. The class, for those who are unfamiliar with it, has you fill out a survey before you begin, where you list all of your social identities such as race, gender, SES, and many more. The instructors then place you into dialogue groups centered around a specific identity. The groups are compromised of half of the privileged population of that identity and half of the oppressed population. For example, my dialogue was sexual orientation, so half of the class was straight, while the other half of the class was on the spectrum. As you progress through the class, you dive deeper into controversial topics regarding the social identity, and the conversations that come from it can be simultaneously frustrating and enlightening.

I learned so much from this class, and loved the opportunity to explore my queerness within it, but my biggest takeaway was our discussions on how to actively listen and empathize. I have learned that conversation, not just education, is one of the most important parts of activism work, and a big piece of that is being able to listen. This skill, however, is not just for activists. It is crucial that allies of marginalized communities are able to actively listen to members of the community they are fighting for. This is especially true in the mental health community.

Although some mental disorders are slowly becoming destigmatized, such as depression and anxiety, many disorders are not. Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, and other disorders continue to be heavily stigmatized and misunderstood. If you want to be an ally for those who are suffering from mental illness, you have to hear all of our stories, even from those of us with more serious and rare mental illnesses.

If we want to help improve understanding of BPD and other stigmatized disorders, we need people who are willing to hear us, not just listen. There is a huge difference between listening to someone’s story and doing nothing, and hearing someone’s story and changing something as a result. Maybe you stop using to word “crazy” or “insane” to describe people. Maybe you educate yourself on bipolar disorder, how it’s not always just aggressive mood swings. Maybe you simply take someone’s story to heart, and work on changing a bias you previously had about a disorder. We need allies who are willing to listen, change, and take action from hearing us, not just saying “that sucks” and moving on.

I’ve been guilty of simply listening in the past. I’ve thought “this doesn’t affect me,” and left the conversation with myself at that. I understand that it takes time, effort, and practice to develop, but it is a skill that we must learn for the good of everyone. Having difficult, frustrating conversations about mental health is how we are going to make progress erasing the stigma surrounding those suffering from serious mental illnesses. Start getting educated, start having conversations, and most importantly, start to hear what people with BPD have to say.

-Sam